If I only had a heart
by Antonymus
Summary: Annabeth Chase, love and longtime friend of Percy Jackson dies in a sudden car accident. No embellishments, no last-chances, no nothing. Just the harsh reality. Heart-broken, her boyfriend decides to stop feeling, simple as it sounds. One-shot in which I spout all kinds of philosophical rubbish, all from Percy s POV.


**Annabeth Chase, love and longtime friend of Percy Jackson dies in a sudden car accident. No embellishments, no last-chances, no nothing. Just the harsh reality. Heart-broken, her boyfriend decides to stop feeling, simple as it sounds. One-shot in which I spout all kinds of philosophical rubbish, all from Percy´s POW.**

* * *

Tap, Tap, Tap.

The sound of my own footsteps resonated through the paved walkway, the only sound in an otherwise silent road.

So much for the never sleeping city.

Pity, any sound would had distracted me from the echoing memories to come, any second now…

_ "Percy, Percy! I`ve been looking for you!"_

_"Mum, what is it?"_

_"Percy dear…. It's Annabeth"_

Ah, there they are. My old friends.

So much loss, so much pain…

And then nothing. At first it was unbearable, so I stopped baring it. My reflection shone through a stained window: Wacky Wendy´s.

I nearly snorted.

Nearly, as the ocean green hard eyes that stared at me gave nothing.

Nothing.

Such a harsh term, devoid of meaning. But that is what awaits us all.

That is what Annabeth is now; nothing. And so, should I care?

* * *

_Next Street:_

Walking down the solitary street I find myself going through Dido´s _Stan _over and over again. If only it would rain…

It would be perfect, fit for a novel.

But no, god does not sympathize. It's easy to blame him.

I turned the corner. That will keep the monsters at bay, turning corners.

Annabeth Chase, why did you leave me? Do you not care?

Not anymore kid, not anymore.

This time I did chuckle, but it sounded strange, broken.

Was I in denial? In shock even? What the hell was wrong with me?

I'd say I felt a stab of fear but that would have meant I felt something, and I didn't.

Did I?

A car blazed through. And then I broke down.

No more needs to be said.

* * *

People say there is always a light after the tunnel, that the night is always darkest before dawn.

Bullshit.

…

Or was it? How would I know? Would I ever know?

The thoughts racing in my head rivaled with the frantic traffic below.

Yeah, some people never rest.

The warm wind caressed my face, gently pushing me on to the edge.

Truthfully, I had no idea how I´d gotten here.

Fire escape?

Probably. God knows I would have never let in a boy like me into my house, tattered and puffy as I was.

Maybe Annabeth would have.

I swayed dangerously.

Gives you perspective, standing in the top of a five store building. You see the ants, busily going from A to B, from meaningless to inconsequential.

And it makes you wonder; would anything really change if I jumped?

The answer is simple; no.

To the grand scheme of things it does not matter whether you are a barman or the leader of a nation. Life is purposeless.

Accept it, its fact.

_Percy sighed, closed his eyes and took a step forward. Into nothingness, into oblivion.  
_

* * *

No.

Fuck that, what is wrong with me?

Why would I care if I made a difference to this uncaring, thrice-dammed universe?

Life is short, it deserves to be lived. As for purpose ours is simple;

As an individual, be happy.

As a society, thrive.

As a race, survive.

In the end, who really needs more than that?

...

_ "All's well that ends well (William Shakespeare)."_

_"Is life `well´ then?" _

_"Only you can say"_

_From Myself, Conversations with Myself._

_..._

The End

* * *

**For whom this may concern:**

**Sorry for making this story so depressing (either because it's content or its horrible themes, grammar… ya know) but I had to let of some emotional steam. I promise it won't happen again. Anyway, I blame TheLostRelic for putting me in this mood. I wholeheartedly recommend his stories; especially ****_Wolf`s law_**_._ **I guarantee that if you stomached my story you will absolutely love his. **

**_Ta ta, _**

**_Antonymus_**


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